'Can you feel it?' Galadrielle Allman’s haunting search for her father

‘Please Be With Me’ is a daughter’s reckoning with her father's legend, flaws and the void he left

With 33 pages left in her book about Duane Allman — the father she never knew — Galadrielle Allman double-spaced and asked a question.

“Can you feel it?”

The narrative following Duane’s life as he finished a visit to blues musician John Hammond Jr. stopped abruptly as Galadrielle realized there were no more stories about her dad to tell other than the one she’d spent her whole life wishing hadn’t happened.

It was a powerful moment in a book that was not afraid to get raw and emotional. I wondered after reading Alan Paul’s books and Greg Allman’s memoir if this would be overkill. And while there’s obviously some overlap, this was told from a very different point of view.

At many stages, this book was a straight biography of Duane Allman — where and how he grew up, became a guitar player, joined a band, met her mom, became her dad, lived and died.

But it was also Galadrielle’s story as Duane’s daughter. Galadrielle spoke to an impressive list of Allman A-listers, but her mom, Donna — and the letters Duane wrote her — provided the backbone of the book. Donna, though — while a dutiful mom — wasn’t always the window into Duane’s life that Galadrielle wanted, creating conflict between mother and daughter.

At times when Galadrielle inserted herself into the story, it was jarring. But it gave a taste of what it must have been like to grow up with a legendary ghost as a father.

“I have listened intently to every song Duane ever recorded. I have hunted through magazine articles and newspaper clippings found in cardboard boxes in my granny’s garage,” she wrote. “I have trolled the Internet for hundreds of hours, lost in the deep recesses of chat rooms and digitized archives. Somehow, it all made me feel like I knew less instead of more.”

Galadrielle spent much of the book chasing her dad’s ghost — talking to anyone who knew him, touching the instruments he played, and showing up at the Big House in 1987 wanting to buy it.

But she saved the biggest emotional gut punches for the end.

“I know you would not approve of the uncountable days I have spent in bed, curled toward the wall whispering to you, picturing your hand reaching out to me while hot tears roll from my eyes. I used to believe the pain of losing you would kill me with my own hand,” she wrote.

Then, perfectly encapsulating what the project must have been like for her: “I feel like the window is closing now; the breeze blowing you back to me is flagging. The writing, the traveling, the daily consideration of your life will wind down and I will be alone again, without the shadow of you resting beside me."

If you’re looking for a thorough accounting of everything Allman Brothers, stick with Paul’s two outstanding books (links below). I’ve been considering re-reading both.

But if you want another side — a female side, with a bulk of the story told through the eyes of Donna and also Linda Oakley; a side that shows just how traumatic tragic deaths can be; a side that celebrates the band’s greatness but acknowledges some shitty behavior — this is a great read.

Here are links to buy Alan Paul’s excellent Allman Brothers books. I also highly recommend his Substack. Also below is a link to Gregg Allman’s outstanding but heartbreaking autobiography.

One Way Out: The Inside History of the Allman Brothers Band, by Alan Paul: https://shop.thebighousemuseum.com/products/one-way-out-the-inside-history-of-the-allman-brothers-band-book

Brothers and Sisters: The Allman Brothers Band and the Inside Story of the Album That Defined the 70s, by Alan Paul: https://shop.thebighousemuseum.com/products/brothers-and-sisters-the-allman-brothers-band-and-the-inside-story-of-the-album-that-defined-the-70s

My Cross to Bear, by Gregg Allman: https://shop.thebighousemuseum.com/products/gregg-allman-my-cross-to-bear