Music is awesome, which I somehow forgot, but then remembered

So I want to start writing about it. Here’s my introductory column

Some people are really good at knowing who they are. They develop identities young and perfect it as they go

I was always jealous of those people.

But at 49, I think I’m finally figuring it out.

I love music — listening to it, reading about it, talking about it, listening to people talk about it … and now, even playing it.

I’ve had lots of different interests and hobbies — still do. And I’ll always be a dad, husband, son and friend first. But other than those things, what makes me happiest is music.

It just took me a long time to realize it. Some (many) are calling it a midlife crisis. I call it a midlife renaissance!

I’ve always loved music. My parents loved it. My dad played music. I had records, then cassettes, then discovered by parents’ records, then had CDs. When I was old enough, I started going to concerts.

Then I got married, had a family and … my dad died.

My dad behind his keyboard shortly before his death.

During his life, if my dad and I weren’t talking sports, we were talking music. As I got older, we didn’t always agree on the music the other was into — he never cared much for Elvis Costello or Al Green, for instance — but we always respected the other’s opinions. I spent much of my childhood and young adulthood watching my dad, a singer and guitarist, along his bandmates perform 80s and 90s country hits mixed with old rock and country songs — often also helping him lug his equipment on and off the stage.

When he died, combined with a demanding career and the changes you go through as you shift to the lifestyle of a married dad in his 30s and 40s, music became a smaller part of my life.

It’s not like I quit listening to music. I’d often play music for my kids and have many great memories of car rides or other occasions where one of them would connect with something I was playing, whether it was the Beatles, Billy Joel, AC/DC, Journey, Oasis … but their tastes have veered far, far away from their dad’s favorites as they’ve aged.

Delaney and Sully in their old spots in the car during our legendary road trip jams.

As I aged, there were times I listened to music and felt the emotion of a song even more than I did when I was younger — memories have a way of strengthening your bonds with music. I was always sentimental, but having kids multiplied it. A lyric, the right note … I’m in tears. I loved the song “Forever Young” by Bob Dylan (the slower version) before my kids were born. After … still love it, but I picture their faces and I’m boo-hooing.

At times, it made me uncomfortable. Listening to music would inevitably make me think about my dad, and I wasn’t ready for that. So I began avoiding it — or at least not engaging with it on a deeper level — for a long time.

In my free time, I became more likely to listen to talk radio, either sports or news. Talk radio, and later podcasts, were less of an emotional investment.

I assumed it was age. I used to tell people that like it was some kind of scientific fact.

This ticket was the gateway drug to getting back into music.

I didn’t even realize I missed live music and being into music until my wife, Liz, got me tickets to see Steely Dan in 2016. I don’t even know how she knew I liked Steely Dan. I certainly didn’t know their catalog then like I do now.

Going to that show … it was outdoors, a hot but beautiful night, the music sounded great, the crowd was into it — I remembered something about myself I’d forgotten. But making music a part of my life again … I still wasn’t quite ready for that.

Part of the problem was I had gotten out of the habit of listening to music. It seems like such a natural thing, but for a while, it wasn’t.

My tastes had stagnated. When I tried to listen to my old favorites … they were fine, but something was missing.

Steely Dan performing in Chicago in 2016.

Then COVID happened. As we were just coming out of the beginning of the pandemic, I got a message from an old friend — Mike Provine — inviting me to see the Black Crowes with him in St. Louis. He’d remembered my love of the band from our younger days.

None of the reasons I used to say no to these things existed at that moment in time, and I was dying to get out of the house at that point, so it was an easy yes.

Then I thought, “Hmm, the Black Crowes … wonder what they’ve been up to since the last time I thought of them?”

The Black Crowes performing in St. Louis in 2021.

That question opened the floodgates to where I am now — discovering music I hadn’t heard before, meeting a community of like-minded music fans, seeing live music on a regular basis, learning guitar and, now, writing an introductory Substack for a series of posts about my thoughts and experiences with music and many of the subjects I’ve touched on here.

I hope they ignite (or re-ignite) your passion for music — your own midlife renaissance!

While this post and many of the ones following will talk about my experience with music, my goal is to eventually talk more generally about music — the experience of being a fan, influences, recommendations (from me and others), etc.

Feel free to comment on the posts or on social media. Or start your own Substack talking about your experiences with music!